


sitcom b-plots

by AshDoesFandom



Series: Lower Decks: Episode Codas [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Lower Decks (Cartoon)
Genre: (if you have your shipper goggles on and squint slightly), Alien Planet, Bisexual Mariner, Episode Coda: Envoys, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Oneshot, Shore Leave, implied unrequieted love, mariner being mariner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26031550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshDoesFandom/pseuds/AshDoesFandom
Summary: “You’re so tense like all the time. I figured it was all that pent-up frustration.”“Oh god,” Boimler drops his face into his hands. “Why the fuck am I friends with you.”“Hey, that’s on you. Everyone knows I’m batshit crazy.”
Relationships: Brad Boimler & Beckett Mariner, discussions of other character's relationship status
Series: Lower Decks: Episode Codas [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868500
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	sitcom b-plots

They’re on shore leave when he brings it up.

“Do you think Tendi and Sam have a thing?”

Mariner, who was frowning down at a bottle filled with a suspicious looking green substance, glances up at him. “A thing?”

“You know, like with the moon eyes they’ve been making and the blushing? I think they have a thing.”

His friend wrinkles her nose, turning back to the alien stall she’d been stealing alcohol from. “God, I hope not. The last thing we need is relationship drama to split our little foursome up.”

Boimler feels his mood plummet unexpectedly. “Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean they’re either gonna get serious or break up and both options are equally horrifying.”

“You would think getting into a serious relationship is horrifying,” Boimler sighs, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. “Why can’t it be a good thing?”

Mariner levels him with an unimpressed stare. “When was the last time _you_ were in a stable relationship?”

He glares back.

“Yeah, _exactly_. We’re Starfleet Officers, not a sitcom B-plot. We don’t date and if we do it’s casual or toxic as fuck. The healthiest relationship on this ship is between Ransom and his mirror.”

Boimler feels the intense urge to snicker but quells it down. “That’s our superior officer—” he begins in his most disapproving voice, but is—unsurprisingly—interrupted.

“Yeah, yeah, he’s our superior officer and he’s fucking _ripped_ and you have an intellectual hard-on for the chain of command _blah blah blah_ , but look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to punch him in the face every time he opens his mouth.”

He shifts uneasily. “I don’t—”

“I mean yeah. He’s hot, but I would not hesitate in gouging that man’s eyes out.”

“I- _Mariner!_ ” 

“Whatever.” Mariner swipes another bottle and drops it into her bag. “Why the sudden interest anyway? You looking to date D’Vana?”

“What _no_ ,” Boimler protests.

“Or Rutherford? Which, honestly, I’d get it. That man is _fine_.”

“Oh my god, I’m not interested in either of them!” Boimler throws his hands up in exasperation.

“So you haven’t thought about it?” Mariner presses, an impish grin working it’s way across her face. “I mean, yeah D’Vana has that innocent good-girl thing going on, but those are always the freakiest in bed—”

“Oh my _god_ —”

“And have you _seen_ Rutherford shirtless? That man could bend me in—”

“You know what, forget it!” Boimler slaps a few credits down on the table to pay for the contraband Mariner had been helping herself to for the past hour. “I swear to god, Mariner, I already can’t look half the crew in the eye anymore after listening to you—”

“Dude, I’m just keeping it real!”

“Well, keep it less real!” he hisses, back storming off. Amused, Mariner calls after him.

“If you need a hookup that bad I can set you up with D’Vana—”

“I don’t need a hookup!” Boimler shrieks, turning to face her on his heel. “What makes you think I—” 

“You’re so tense like _all the time_. I figured it was all that pent-up frustration.” 

“Oh god,” Boimler drops his face into his hands. “Why the fuck am I friends with you.” 

“Hey, that’s on you. Everyone knows I’m batshit crazy.” 

Boimler sighs and drops his hands. “Yeah.” 

“Oh don’t get all pensive one me,” Mariner rolls her eyes, striding forward and grabbing his shirt to drag him off towards whatever’s caught her eye this time. “Stop worrying so much.” 

He lets himself relax in her hold. Sometimes it’s easier to just ride the tsunami Mariner causes than fight it. 

Then, 

“But if they _do_ have a thing—”

“Oh my god, then they hookup for two months until they decide they can’t stand each other and then we have to decide which one of them we like more, _it’s not that complicated Brad._ ”

“But—”

“Dear _god_ why am _I_ friends with _you_?” 

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> the most recent episode: mariner and ransom are hot for each other
> 
> me: no thank you


End file.
